Personal Development Author

The throng of revellers wearing tinsel and shouting at each other to be heard over the deafening strains of Slade or Wizard (does anybody really wish it would be Christmas every day?), the pressure to talk to people you hardly know, the demands to join in and have fun – actually, you aren’t the only one who would rather be at home with a good book or film.

But social gatherings are a particular ordeal if you prefer quieter interaction, and find it physically and emotionally draining to deal with large numbers of people and the general clamour.

Nothing will change the nature of drinks parties, the work do, extended family gatherings, neighbourhood get-togethers and all the other events which are part of the festive season. But a little thought and preparation (which you’re probaby good at) will help to take a lot of the stress out of these occasions.

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‘I’ll try’

There’s nothing wrong with trying to do something, of course there isn’t. It’s good to make an effort, to reach for what is out of our grasp, to experiment, to give something a whirl without certainty of success.

That’s all part of the excitement and challenge of living. The virtue of trying is reflected in commonplace sayings such as, ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again,’ and encouraging reminders of the importance of perseverance, of keeping going, of taking risks, of learning from failure.

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Don’t suffer stress in silence

We know that stress causes misery and destroys lives. We know that stress can kill, although we push that one away to the backs of our minds. A report just out from insurer Friends Life shows that stress costs UK companies an incredible £690 million ($1.1 billion) a day in wasted wages.

That’s a lot of money, if you take the productivity angle; but it’s also a lot of human unhappiness, if you focus on individuals and their lives.

At the core of all the advice about how to improve this situation is the maxim that people suffering from stress should talk about it, and bosses should listen.
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It’s a gender thing, and it’s a personality thing.

At meetings, women speak 75% less of the time than men, and anyone who is shy, or introverted, or reserved, is likely to find it hard to make a contribution, so talented, able, valuable people are perceived to lack clout and influence because their voice isn’t heard.

This situation, unfair as it is, is not going to change, but you can change the way you behave at meetings – and you don’t need to change your personality. Why on earth would you even think of doing that? You’re fine.

But with a little tweaking of your mental approach, and some judicious use of strategy, your steady star need no longer be hidden by the flashy comets which eclipse less obvious but equally significant bodies.

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You may be one of the many people who just like to get on with things, and regard small talk as a waste of time. You put your head down and produce what’s required. That’s what you’re expected to do, right?

Well, yes. But you might also find you don’t progress in the way you would like. You might find you are overlooked when it comes to promotion and advancement. It could be that you are just not noticed, that you don’t make an impact, that your name is not known.

You might think how on earth is talking about television, or sport, or the weather, or the terrible bus service on your route going to help your career? But this kind of light conversation brings you into contact with people. It makes you visible, and creates a positive impression.

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Many of us freeze at the idea of making small talk. The thought of having to converse with people we hardly know, having to find something to say or risk being seen as clumsy and unsociable – well, it’s enough to make you turn down that party invitation, or lurk in the cloakroom until the very beginning of the meeting.

It doesn’t have to be this way. A lucky few are naturally good at making small talk, but the rest of us can learn the skills of social conversation.

You don’t ever have to be stuck for words again.

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