Personal Development Author

Some time in the late 1980s, we latched on to the phrase ‘women who juggle their lives’.

How we loved the idea that were having it all, family, career, aspirational lifestyle, whatever we wanted, just by keeping all those balls in the air at once.

There we were, striding through the workplace in our natty trouser suits, bulky cell phone in one hand, crying baby in the other, desperately trying to keep everything in balance and moving smoothly in the right direction.

Three decades on, not much has changed. Smarter phones, yes. Smarter lives? Not so sure.

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Dividing people into camps is a seductive and entertaining activity. Few of us can resist doing the quiz or taking the test which will show us the group we belong to.

Optimist or pessimist? Hawk or dove? Stressed Type A or laid-back Type B? And of course, we don’t cheat. Not us, even though we know where we want to be placed –particularly when it comes to identifying ourselves as drains or radiators.

Who wants to be a drain – someone whose presence depresses others, sucks away their psychic energy, and robs them of their joy and vitality?

A radiator is quite different. They are people who exude warmth and life, who enlivens and invigorates those lucky enough to benefit from their glow. Don’t we all want to be radiators?

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How do you know if you’re in a job rut?

It’s when nothing about what you do interests or excites you. You can do what’s required to a more-or-less OK standard, and sometimes you feel you could do it with your eyes shut. Actually, sometimes your eyes really are shut.

This feeling can hit at any time. It can creep up on you without you realising what is happening. If you do recognise what is happening, and don’t like it, you have the option to make some changes.

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Manners maketh man, said an esteemed philosopher, speaking at a time when everyone would have taken the word ‘man’ to encompass all human beings.

No, it was not the 1950s, but the 14th Century when William of Wykeham made this statement. And he was not referring to the niceties of table manners or how you introduce a bishop (he was one) to a baron, but about the way we behave towards each other.

People are defined, he suggested, by their relationships with their fellow human beings. True manners are seen in thoughtful and generous behaviour, in consideration and kindness.

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Confidence is the key to success in so many areas of our lives. Being confident enables us to pursue our goals and ambitions and to communicate our thoughts and needs.

The confident person copes with setbacks, learns from mistakes, seizes opportunities, handles difficult situations. That’s the kind of confidence which comes from a mixture of self-knowledge and self-assurance, and having the courage and determination to take action.

But even those who seem to have a natural abundance of this enviable quality are not confident all the time. Everyone has their moments or periods of anxiety and self-doubt. Read more »

In our personal and professional interactions, the impact of what we are saying and the message we want to give can be weakened by the use of particular words.

The words we’re talking about are ‘only’ and ‘just’.

Not always, you understand, and not in every context. Phrases such as ‘it’s only a scratch’ and ‘it’s just a blip’ and ‘could you just pop on the scales’ are familiar ways of giving reassurance and minimizing anxiety (not sure if it works in the last situation).

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In my new book, The Smart Girl’s Guide To Getting What You Want, I look at the Bulldozer, the Pushover, the Snake and the Star. Let’s see how those types are portrayed in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice and you can assess which type you are. Read more »