Personal Development Author

Emotional manipulation comes in many shapes and forms.

You might experience the occasional twinge of unease when you realise that someone is pulling your strings. You might find yourself uncomfortably caught in a personal or professional relationship which is defined by the power imbalance created by the use of manipulation.

The manipulators in your life might be family members or friends, or they might be colleagues who may or may not be senior to you at work. What they have in common is a desire to control your behaviour.

Read more »

In some situations, perfectionist behaviour works. Close, excruciating attention to criteria and standards is essential in contexts which involve, for example, people’s lives.

You don’t want your surgeon to execute a cut which is ‘near enough’ the right place, or the person controlling your flight to tell the pilot not to worry if they can’t climb.

In our everyday personal and professional lives, however, perfectionism is not only unnecessary, but can also be damaging.

Read more »

Jerry Seinfeld did it all wrong when he couldn’t remember someone’s name but Elaine came to his rescue by introducing herself

We’ve all experienced that moment of panic when you happen to meet someone you know, an acquaintance, a neighbour, a past or present colleague, a friend of a friend, a parent of your kid’s friend, your best mate’s ex of a year ago, and your mind goes blank.

You just can’t remember their name. You feel awkward and embarrassed, and wish you’d dodged round the other aisle in the supermarket or pretended to be absorbed in your phone before it was too late.

Read more »

Helping someone going through grief or loss can be awkward and challenging but their feelings are in another league from your mild social embarrassment.

It is, of course, all about them and not about us. It is a pity that our feelings of inadequacy and uselessness when faced with someone’s pain can often cause us to avoid them because we just don’t know what to say.

Read more »

We all know the benefits of criticism, or negative feedback as it is often called. We know we should see being criticised as an opportunity to learn and grow, and we should be grateful that someone has pointed out our shortcomings (like we aren’t already aware of them). Oh, thank you so much for showing me where I go wrong! I have gained so much from the benefit of your insight! How can I ever repay you!

At the back of our minds, even as we bristle with rage or blink away tears in the face of criticism, we know that when it is justified, it can have genuinely valuable results. That doesn’t mean we like hearing negative things about our behaviour, even (or especially) when we know they are true.

Read more »

Here’s a situation which occurs mostly when travelling by train. You’ve booked a ticket and reserved a seat for your journey. You board the train and find that someone who got on at an earlier stop is occupying your place.

Now for some of you this hardly rates as a ‘situation’. You pleasantly point out that you have reserved this specific seat, maybe wafting a ticket or gesturing to the electronic status display. As far as lively journey anecdotes go, it doesn’t even touch the sides.

But for others, the question ‘would you say something?’ presents an social and ethical dilemma up there with should you tell your friend their partner is cheating on them, and leads to just as much wine-fuelled argument around dinner tables.

Read more »