Who would have thought that a concept which is generally applied to enable successful international business situations would be equally helpful to communicating successfully with our friends and families? We’re talking about an idea developed by anthropologist Edward T Hall in 1976 to describe cultural differences in communication styles.
Hall described how ‘high-context’ countries such as Japan, China, India and Arab nations have an indirect way of communicating, while ‘low-context’ countries such as the UK and the US use more direct, explicit language.
This clash of styles can lead to misunderstanding, confusion, resentment, bafflement — all the hallmarks of the tricky situations we face when dealing with groups and individuals who seem to be on a different wavelength from us. You might not be negotiating terms with business moguls, but the hurdles are the same.
High rollers
You will be familiar with high-context groups. You might be in one yourself. It could be the family or set of friends who know each other so well that they don’t need to spell things out, who have their own terminology and way of talking, their own in-jokes and allusions.
This can be difficult for an outsider or newcomer. How are you supposed to know that when someone says whatever you make for the shared supper will be fine, they really mean they wanted you to do a starter? Or that when you say you are looking forward to a quiet weekend, people seem annoyed when you don’t turn up for the barbecue, although you didn’t say explicitly that you would be going?
Going low
Low-context communication, on the other hand, tends to be more direct and explicit. If this isn’t your natural style, you could see rudeness or abruptness where none is intended.
In a low-context situation, things are spelled out in a way which leaves no room for misunderstanding. ‘Can we turn the fire down?’ as opposed to ‘Is it getting warm in here?’ or saying ‘I don’t agree’ as opposed to frowning slightly.
But if you are the low-context communicator, how are you expected to know that someone will get shirty when you say yes, their living room could do with a makeover, when they themselves had made a self-deprecating comment about ‘the state’ of the room?
There are steps you can take to iron out these difficulties and reach a better level of understanding. Try applying these practices when you become part of a new group, or try them within your existing social framework:
Use your eyes more than your mouth
In other words, observe more than you speak. This can go against your natural instinct to make an impression on, for example, your new partner’s friends or family, or the gang who’ve asked you to go for a pizza after the induction afternoon.
In this kind of circumstance, you might talk a lot to show how nice and friendly or funny and entertaining you are. You might talk a lot because you’re nervous. There’s nothing wrong with any of this, but you could rein it in a little and look for indications of where this group is on the high/low-culture spectrum.
Observe non-verbal behaviour
Look for body language which could reveal aspects of relationships within the group. Notice where people sit and stand. There may be individuals who are always together; there may be a individual who people seem to avoid. Perhaps there is someone around whom people gather. Identifying alliances and dominant influences could be helpful.
A low-context way of finding out who has influence in the group may be to ask who makes the decisions round here; a high-context way might be to avoid suggestions of hierarchy in case people are offended, but to use your own observation and judgement.
Listen for language patterns
Be aware of how and how often people speak. Spoken language is particularly important for low-context communicators, who favour precise and clear terminology. They like summing-up, and may use phrases like, ‘So that’s settled — we’ll meet at 3 o’clock at the station.’
High-context language is more vague and allusive, relying on shared knowledge and history. Group members know what is meant by a phrase such as ‘usual time and place’; outsiders and newcomers may be none the wiser.
Get the information you need
Sometimes you need to ask for clarity. You may want to know precisely what is required of you in a certain situation — what does an expression like ‘we all just muck in’ actually mean? Or perhaps everyone talks in hushed tones about a family member or mutual acquaintance, or they all laugh or exchange glances when that person’s name is mentioned. What’s that all about, you wonder. There’s a limit to how long you can just look understanding. Yes, you need to ask.
Ask the right type of question
Match your approach to the style of the group. This could mean overriding your instinct to be blunt, or to be vague. Asking direct questions to get factual information could come across as rude or abrasive to those who prefer to be less ‘in your face’, as they would see it.
Try a question which is more like an invitation: ‘Aunt Sophie seems to have made quite an impression?’ or ‘Ged sounds quite a character?’ Or you could say something like, ‘I’d love to hear more about…’
If you shy away from being what you think is too direct, you could try re-phrasing the abrupt question or comment in terms which feel less jarring. Reflect it back in a looser way: ‘We do need to be clear about who’s doing what’ or ‘You’d like to understand why Raj and Julie never come to social events.’
High-context societies sometimes exhibit delightfully agile language. You know that person who talks far too loudly for the circumstances and environment, seemingly oblivious to the disturbance they are causing, or who carries on remorselessly when it’s clear to everyone else that no one is listening? Well, the Japanese have a word for that. You probably have as well, but it may not bear repeating in polite society, whatever the context.
