You’ve done all the talking and negotiating in advance, you’ve agreed about what you want to do and what you don’t want to do, but no sooner have you slipped on your bikini or your snorkelling gear or your walking boots than it all goes belly-up with a more resounding splash than your first topple into the hotel pool. When you are in an unfamiliar environment and separated from your comfort zone, you may react in unexpected ways. Your body clock ticks to a different rhythm, the climate or weather can have unusual physical and mental effects.

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We find people boring if their interests and concerns are different from ours. We are bored if they talk at length about subjects which are irrelevant to us. We find them even more tedious if they appear to have nothing to talk about and nothing to say on any matter. When we are forced into a conversational situation with such individuals, we can’t wait to get away.

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Holidays can take on a role which is way beyond their capacity to fulfil. We look forward to a couple of weeks away from work in a different or exotic location and hope this activity (or lack of activity) will recharge our batteries, get rid of our stress, save or enhance a relationship, bring families and friends together, provide a store of happy memories and generally improve our physical and emotional well-being. We imagine we will return from holiday sleek and bronzed versions of our usual selves, rested and relaxed, ready to pick up the challenges of everyday life with renewed vigour and sharpened insight.

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Small talk conjures up images of stiff and awkward conversations about trivial subjects where we are expected to participate through social or professional duty. It refers to the obligatory exchanges we share when we first meet people at parties, business functions and events, social activities. It describes the kind of conversations we have with people at the bus stop, in the shop, at the school gate, queuing for tickets, waiting for the Pilates class or sporting event to start, any situation in which not to speak seems rude, but knowing what to say seems impossible.

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Making small talk is a big subject in this week’s Stylist magazine and I’m featured among the communication experts giving their views in an extensive article by Tamara Cohen. You can read the article online at Stylist or in the printed magazine. The feature on the website doesn’t include the magazine’s sidebar Guide to Talking the Talk but it should be available later in the week when they post the full contents and I’ll add a link here when that happens. Small talk is important socially and for business and is a valuable skill to learn. Take a look at the Stylist feature to pick up some valuable tips on the very British art of small talk.

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On a recent episode of The Apprentice, the head of retail banking at Barclays spoke to the candidates about the importance of listening skills. (Good luck with that particular group). The ability to listen is frequently listed as one of the most desirable ‘soft skills’. It is an essential element of communication. Great leaders are said to be great listeners. The words ‘expert’ and ‘skills’ suggest that listening is something that can be learnt. They indicate that not everyone is good at this but that that there are practices and strategies which we can work at in order to become ‘expert’.

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