Personal Development Author
Who would have thought that a concept which is generally applied to enable successful international business situations would be equally helpful to communicating successfully with our friends and families? We're talking about an idea developed by anthropologist Edward T Hall in 1976 to describe cultural differences in communication styles.
We love success stories, particularly when success is hard won. Tales of triumph over adversity warm our hearts. Stories which confirm or strengthen our belief in the capacity of the human spirit to overcome setbacks can bring comfort and hope. This is particularly so when the adverse circumstances are undeniably severe. In less intense contexts, we are pleased to celebrate others’ achievements and successes in their personal and professional lives. Everyone loves a winner, right?
My, don't we love alliterative phrases. The pleasing power of alliteration has been harnessed, for good or for ill, by poets, dramatists, novelists, politicians, marketing and advertising industries and the rest since the year dot. When it comes to the words we use to frame and communicate our own personal and internal world, the catchy resonance of an expression which has entered into general usage can lead to an automatic assumption that it has some kind of truth and authority. But it can be a bad idea to let a cute alliterative phrase become a guiding principle just because it trips off the tongue.
Boundaries — well now, hasn’t that become a fashionable word? Who would have thought that a word that references separation and lines of demarcation would so handily describe our efforts to define and communicate to others the whole range of our needs and wishes?
We’ve all experienced them at some point, probably — people whose company leaves us feeling emotionally depleted and drained of energy. You might be familiar with the term ‘drains and radiators’, which contrasts the effect this behaviour has on us with the lovely warmth we experience from the company of those whose presence is uplifting and delightful. We can use the expression with a light touch. Its meaning is clear, and the plumbing reference acts as a buffer against hurtfulness.
Most of us are probably not aware that we use poetic language as a matter of course. Similes, metaphors, images, all that stuff is what playwrights and literary types come up with to convey and illuminate meaning and emotion. Nothing to do with the way ordinary people talk, right?
Easter doesn't get much of a look-in when it comes to making resolutions. January is, of course, the top time for vowing to put ourselves through agony as we determine to do the things we believe we should, and beat ourselves up when we have broken every resolution by Burns Night.
Well, who would have thought that full stops and exclamation marks would ever play a significant part in our relationships?
'Sorry for your loss'. In recent times, this sad phrase has resonated with many, far too many, of us. The expression encompasses what is so hard to express, our sympathy, our awareness of the devastation of death, our inadequacy in the face of grief and loss.
The habit of comparing ourselves unfavourably with other people damages our self-esteem and wellbeing even during the best of times. When we experience more challenging times, it can take very little to make ourselves and our lives feel really rubbish. It wasn’t quite so bad in the olden days when there was only limited exposure to the lives of others, seemingly so much more successful and interesting than our own. At the present time it is hard to escape the bombardment of words and pictures and images which suggest that all the people we know (and some we don’t) are having a brighter, better existence than us.
Values are the ideas that define the way we view the world. They are the abstract notions on which we base our judgements of what is important in life. Our values shape our choices and decisions. The way we behave, how we live and work, our relationships with ourselves and with other people, are guided by these fundamental concepts.
At particular periods in all our lives, it isn’t possible to have face-to-face contact with the people who matter to us. It doesn’t matter that much these days, we say blithely, because of all the possibilities for voice and video calls. We can still see each other. We can still talk to each other. In fact, we can see and talk to more people in more ways than we ever could IRL. But an old-school phone call is just the thing for a proper conversation or discussion, the kind that leaves you feeling pleased and satisfied that you have had a meaningful, enjoyable, worthwhile exchange with someone close to you. If using the phone is a habit you have got out of, or is something that you shy away from, why not give it a try.